You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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