She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
