She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
