I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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