it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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