I wish I only lived at night.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
