Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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