I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Randomize
