capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Drake has all the answers
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
