Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
