I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
