So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
