i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
