Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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