sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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