I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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