two words: eviction party
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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