dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
