at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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