so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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