No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
