I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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