dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
