the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
