I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
