If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
