I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
