Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize