Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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