I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
