Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize