...so i touched it.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
