I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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