I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
