Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
