dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize