i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
