I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
