i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
