so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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