He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
