woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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