u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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