Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
