u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
