if you like me you must not know who I am
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I am spending my child support on dildos
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
