He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
