dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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