We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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