he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
