in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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