sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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