when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
