I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
