Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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