don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
