party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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