Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
