Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
