I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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