I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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