I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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