Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
