omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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