It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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