I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
