Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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