This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
