i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
