member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
