Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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