Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
