i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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