So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
