hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
