some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
