Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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