Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
