The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize