smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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