Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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