Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
