Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
