Banned from zoo.
Again?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
