Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
