so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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