I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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