i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have fence marks all over my body
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
