youre lurking in front of me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
