hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
