found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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