Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
