you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
