I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
