It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
