everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
