Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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