I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
whose parrot is this?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
