Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just got carded by a ten year old.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
