your parents love me but you hate me
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize