I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
