So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We are two peas in an std pod
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I supernannyed him into submission
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
