is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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