Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
