I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
