I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Can I color on your dick again?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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