I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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