Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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